When you're in a hole, stop digging.
There - really good basic PR advice, for free. And I know that every spinweasel worth his salt tells his political masters that. God knows I used to. But some just don't get the idea that if you can't say something nice - or in this case, humbly apologetic - don't say nuffin' at all.
The thin veneer of contrition has now begun flaking away from MPs caught fleecing the taxpayer. Damn - and they were almost starting to look like they were at least sorry for getting caught, even if they weren't actually sorry for doing it. Yesterday, the MPs whose turn it was in the stocks managed to look faintly ashamed of their creative bloodsucking, and some even said the S word; but then two of them forgot the script and let slip what they really think of us.
Housing minister Margaret Beckett - who reminds me increasingly of the fruit of an unnatural union between Mr Ed* and a bag lady - brazened out hecklers on a usually sedate BBC audience show last night and declared she would not be handing back any of the £72,000 she claimed for something or other. Then Shahid Malik, a justice minister**, went completely off-message and out-brazened Beckett.
He's not ashamed, he says. He can sleep at night. He claimed a home cinema system on the taxpayer and got us to pay his court summons for failing to pay his council tax, all at a time when British troops can't even get the basic kit they need, but he's not ashamed. And he can't even be arsed to pretend he's ashamed. He couldn't be bothered to be ashamed while yet another British serviceman was dying in Afghanistan. So the chances of him being ashamed just because he's milking the system he and his mates set up to keep them in the manner to which MPs feel entitled, while everyone else is struggling to pay the rent - not high, I'd guess.
A hint, Shahid, if I might be so familiar: arrogance really doesn't play well to an angry electorate. And another free PR tip - at next year's election, the voters might not remember exactly what you said, but they'll certainly remember how you made them feel.
An update: I note the trickle of e-mails to the BBC and Sky - allegedly from ordinary members of the public, as if anyone is fooled by that - decrying the media for conducting a witch-hunt and undermining Parliament. No, you party shills, the media aren't undermining Parliament; MPs and Lords lining their pockets are the ones doing that. And a witch-hunt by the media is exactly what a democracy needs, because Parliament proved time after time that it would do anything to stop this news getting out, including trying to change the law. Respect for and faith in politicians has been low for at least ten years and this latest disappointment in our elected masters is just one more nail in a very nail-rich coffin.
An even upper update - ** former justice minister. Malik just stood down. A few hours really is a long time in politics.
(*Please tell me you remember Mr Ed.)
